


i'd do anything take us out of this gloom

by dottie_wan_kenobi



Series: Dottie's Favorites [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Depression, Gen, Guilt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Survivor Guilt, Thor (Marvel) Needs a Hug, and it's not a joke :)))), and that Thor DOES have ptsd, and that they can have ptsd, in this house we acknowledge that men have feelings, only spoilers for the first 15 minutes honestly, tagging to be safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 14:50:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18640318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dottie_wan_kenobi/pseuds/dottie_wan_kenobi
Summary: ENDGAME SPOILERSThor goes for the head. It doesn't fix anything.





	i'd do anything take us out of this gloom

**Author's Note:**

> Title is (bastardized) from Dear Mr. Fantasy by Traffic, which of course played in the film
> 
> I literally just got back from watching it a few hours ago and I noticed that Thor has some seriously bad PTSD. And worse, it was made a huge joke ~~(like haha it's so funny he's crying seeing his dead mom....)~~ which really upset me tbh. And that line he had near the beginning, "I went for the head", I could tell immediately that he wasn't okay. So after complaining to my friend Mia about it, I decided to write a little scene that is pretty much definitely not canon or even close but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ if they're gonna make a joke of Thor's PTSD I'm gonna do whatever the hell I want with him too
> 
>  
> 
> [Please remember this poor guy is like 23 years old and has lost every single member of his family and many of his friends in a very short amount of time.](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2018-06/30/12/asset/buzzfeed-prod-web-06/sub-buzz-17823-1530375639-1.png?downsize=800:*&output-format=auto&output-quality=auto)
> 
>  
> 
> Also wanted to add that Thor blames himself a lot in this but in the end, everything that happened is totally and fully at the fault of Thanos and the heroes did what they could. So basically what I'm saying is, is that the author doesn't share the opinion of Thor and would love to help him in any way she could :)

He says, “I went for the head,” and doesn’t even hear it. Ears ringing, voice quiet, everything is spinning and he’s so  _ angry _ . So fucking angry and  _ sad _ —no, he’s not sad, he’s devastated, he’s furious, he’s everything and nothing and too much and not enough and—and his eyes are stinging.

_ Godsdammit _ , why? Why are his eyes stinging? He just killed Thanos. He went for the fucking head. The bastard is gone, it’s over, he’s GONE, so why—

Walking away, every single bit of him is pins and needles. His fingers and toes are numb, his face feeling puffy and like nothing and just  _ wrong _ . Everything is wrong, nothing is better, and he realizes like a crack of lightning that really, this changed nothing. 

He just swung Stormbreaker and cut off Thanos’s head and it changes nothing.

_ NOTHING _ .

Screaming, he punches the nearest thing to him—some weird fucking tree, and good Gods, he’s reminded again that everyone is gone, EVERYONE, even Tree, even Rocket, all of his people, Loki...—and punches and punches until he  _ feels something _ . 

By the time sound tunes back in, and he hears someone shouting his name, his throat is raw and his hands bloody and ripped up, and his head hurts so bad, he just wants to die, he wants to join his people, wants to see his mother and father and brother again.

There’s no point in him being alive anymore. What few Asgardians are left, they’re better off without him. He can’t even kill a single godsdamned titan without ruining it. Without dooming the entire universe.

“Thor!” It’s Steve, stepping in front of him, holding his arms. The strong grip on his wrists only tightens when he fights his old friend, and Steve soothes, “It’s okay, Thor, it’s alright, just calm down, you’re hurting yourself….”

He lets his power surge through himself, and Steve jerks away, hissing in pain. Guilt, even more of it, hits him instantly but he needs...he needs to be alone, he needs everyone to get away, he  _ can’t breathe _ .

Everyone is looking at him, like he’s crazy, like he’s the one who fucked up and aimed too low, and it’s too much,  _ too much _ , get away, get AWAY—!

“Thor,” Natasha tries, and he just laughs.

“The sun’s getting real low,” he chokes out, thinking of easier times—and when, exactly, did the time right after his father died and his sister was running around killing everyone, become easier times?—and wishing… just wishing.

His eyes are still stinging.

No, they’re not stinging. Not anymore. Tears are streaming down his face, and he only knows it because he touches his cheeks, feeling like he’s not even in his body anymore, and at first he thought it was blood but no. It’s tears.

“Hey, man, I know this all really sucked, but—”

He  _ still  _ can’t breathe. 

They need to stop looking at him. They need to stop  _ right now _ , he can’t take their eyes on him anymore, it’s so obvious they’re angry with him—and why not? He could’ve done it. He could’ve saved the day. 

“Hey, hey, hey, calm down, we all made mistakes—”

A sound rips out of him, and it hurts, it hurts so bad, he screams again and clouds brew above them, rumbling and crackling.

Dropping to his knees, he punches the ground beneath him, his brain fuzzy and electric, and ignores when what few of his teammates are left beg him to  _ calm down _ .

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to rant in the comments about Thor and how the Russo's fucked that one up yeet


End file.
